Regrets
by DemonicBallerina
Summary: Paul's gone too far this time. And he knows how much Suze hates him for it. But he's still determined to have her. And it doesn't matter how many people he has to hurt in the process, Paul Slater always gets what he wants. Tagteam with timydamonkey.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Everything from the Mediator belongs to Meg Cabot.**

**Regrets**

**Chapter 1**

"I did it!" Suze yelled, her eyes bright with excitement.

She seemed surprised, I noticed. She was happy, of course, but still surprised. She was clearly underestimating her powers.

I smiled warmly at her. "You were great."

"Can you believe I actually dematerialised?" she asked. She walked over to my bed and flopped down on it. "I always thought it was such a cool power. And now I can do it!" She laughed, "I can't wait to get Jesse back for all the times he's snuck up on me."

I decided I should probably hide my annoyance at that last comment as best as I could. Suze and I had always tried our best to stick to the unspoken agreement we'd made about not bringing a certain name up too much around each other. But I guess Suze was in too good a mood to worry about petty things like my complete loathing of Jesse de Silva.

"I thought you hadn't told him about our arrangement," I said lightly.

Suze looked up at me. "Oh," she said. She seemed disappointed. "Oh yeah…"

"It's a shame, isn't it?" I said, fixing a mocking smirk on my face as I sat down next to her. "That you feel you have to keep secrets from Jesse, I mean."

Suze wasn't quite as good at hiding her annoyance as I was, although I doubted that she cared whether I could tell or not. "You'd rather I told him?" she asked as if this was some big threat. "No matter what the consequences were?"

I gave her a sceptical look. "Do you actually think I'm scared of de Silva?"

Suze shrugged. "If you ask me, he's given you enough reason to be."

She wasn't serious was she? Me, scared of Jesse de Silva? I swear, I haven't heard a more ridiculous thing in my life.

"Is that so?" I asked, staring at her. "Okay then. Call him."

"What?" Suze asked, bewildered.

"Call him," I said again. "Tell him everything. I'll show you how scared I am of him."

Suze shook her head. "You must be crazy if you think I'm willingly going to do something that I know will just start a fight between the two of you."

I grinned at her. See? She loves me really. "Aw, Suze," I teased, "I know you can't bear to think that I might get hurt, but I can look after myself, you know."

Suze rolled her eyes. "Paul, you know that the last thing I want is a repeat of what happened at that party, and that has nothing to do with me liking you at all."

To tell the truth, I'd been expecting to hear something like that; she was always reminding me about how she didn't like me. But I really didn't believe her. How could I? When she was near me… well, there was something between us, something that was strong enough for me to be sure that I wasn't the only one who felt it. The only thing stopping her from admitting it was guilt. Because she was with Jesse. She just needed to forget about him for just a few seconds and she'd see it. I knew she would.

What did she see in him, anyway? This guy who couldn't give her a thing – what was so special about him? It just didn't make any sense to me. Why was she so in love with him when it was so clear to me that we were perfect for each other?

I refused to let her words get to me though. So instead of thinking about it any longer I pushed her back against the bed we were sitting on. She let out a surprised squeal and I shifted so that I was leaning over her. I smirked down at her. "I don't believe you," I said.

"Get off me!" she yelled.

I ignored her, if she wanted me to move then she'd have to at least try and sound like she meant it. I stared down at her.

"Get off!" Suze moaned again, but I barely registered it. God, she was so beautiful… I brought a hand up to her face and gently brushed a few strands of hair out of her eyes. She suddenly stopped struggling and just looked up at me like - I don't know, like she was actually wondering what it would be like if she decided to give me a chance. But I was left wondering if that look had actually been real when, a split second later, she glared at me and went, "Paul, if you don't get off me now then I swear-"

I couldn't let her finish, not after that look she'd given me. So I shut her up in the most effective way I could think of. I closed the small distance between us and kissed her. She didn't respond at first, but it didn't take her long to realise that resistance was futile and she was soon kissing me back and enjoying it just as much as I was. I cupped her face gently as her arms snaked round my neck.

It took her about a minute to realise what she was doing and try to push me off her. It was only when she clenched her hands that had been in my hair as few seconds ago and started thumping me on the back with them, that I gave up and rolled off her. I mean, what a turn off. And that girl can really punch; I didn't want to end up with a load of bruises or anything.

Suze jumped up as quickly as she could, eyes blazing. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she yelled.

I leaned back on my elbows and smirked up at her. "I thought you were enjoying it," I said simply, causing her to look even angrier. "You definitely _seemed_ to be enjoying it."

"Shut _up_!" Suze snapped furiously. "God, Paul! Why do you keep _doing_ these things? What makes you think you can get away with it?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, maybe because you keep _letting_ me?" I got up and walked over to her. She glared at me. "And I find it seriously hard to believe that it's not what you want. You know, it makes me wonder if you're really as in love with Jesse as you claim you are."

Suze stared at me for a minute. Then she went, "Please don't tell me that you think I'm in love with _you_."

The totally incredulous way she said that wiped the smirk right off my face. "That's not what I said," I informed her tonelessly.

"But it's what you're implying, isn't it?" she asked, folding her arms and looking up at me like she thought I was this total idiot.

I gave her a stony look. "All I'm implying is that I _know_ you felt something when I kissed you. Otherwise you wouldn't have kissed me back. And don't give me the same stupid excuse you gave me last time, because I don't believe it."

"You couldn't be more wrong if you tried. I love Jesse more than anything. There is no way I'd… God, you are _so_ wrong."

"Why are you denying it Suze?" I asked, frustrated. "Jesse is _dead_! There is no way the two of you can have a normal relationship. So why choose him when you know you can have me?"

I think at this point Suze looked just as exasperated as I felt. "Because I don't want you!" she yelled. "Why can't you just leave me alone? Why do you have to be so hell bent on ruining my life?"

I didn't say anything. I guess I was kind of surprised at her outburst. She suddenly seemed really upset, when before she'd just been angry.

She went on, "When I'm with Jesse, I'm happy, okay? Have you ever thought that for now that might be enough?"

I gave her a sceptical look. "And how long is that going to last, Suze? You know he's going to leave eventually."

She looked down at her feet then. "Don't think you have to keep reminding me, Paul," she said bitterly.

"Oh, I think I do," I said, taking a step towards her. "Isn't the fact that you're still with him enough proof of that?"

Then she looked up at me and I was shocked to see that there were tears glistening in those beautiful emerald eyes. This was honestly the last thing I'd been expecting to see. I mean, I hadn't been _trying _to make her cry. True, what I'd said hadn't really been all that comforting, but it's not like this was the first time I'd said this sort of thing. She'd never cried _before_. Not once. Had my words finally gotten to her? Could it be that I was one step closer to getting her to break up with Jesse?

For some reason, though, I wasn't as pleased with myself as I should have been. And I didn't get why. I mean, this was good; this was what I wanted… so why wasn't I acting all smug towards her like I would have done to anyone else?

"What is it that you don't get, Paul?" Suze asked, looking so sad that I was starting to feel really uncomfortable. I didn't like the way the tears that were trickling slowly down her cheeks were making me want to tell her that I was sorry and that everything was going to be all right. I looked away from her, unable to stand looking at the pain in her eyes.

"If I didn't have Jesse then I don't know what I'd do," she went on. "Thinking that I'll never see him again is just the worst feeling in the world, and all I'm hoping is that somehow it won't be as bad if I know that what we have lasted as long as it possibly could."

Her voice was pleading; it was like she was doing all she possibly could to make me feel guilty. And it was working. This huge part of me didn't want to do anything to hurt her. I loved her too much. But, no matter how much it tried to, I wasn't going to let that part of me take over.

God, she thought she was this big victim, didn't she? Well, she wasn't the only one. Suze had absolutely no idea of what she'd put me through. She couldn't possibly understand how when she wasn't with me I was constantly tormented by thoughts of her. I hated spending my time longing for something that I couldn't have. And when we were together I hated _her_ for making me feel that way. For making me want her so badly but not letting me have her. For not letting me kiss her… For choosing a dead guy over me.

Letting my frustration take over, I pushed the guilt she had made me feel with her little speech away and said, "You're being ridiculous, Suze. You're going to have to wake up eventually. And when you do, I'll be right here."

Suze's glare turned to a look of disbelief and then she said, "Is there something wrong with you? Because I thought I'd made my feelings for you clear. I think you're the one that needs to wake up, Paul; if you think that one day I'm going to come running to you! I _hate_ you!"

I stared at her, trying to convince myself that she was lying. But I was finding it hard to ignore the sincerity in her voice when she said that. "You-" I started to say but Suze interrupted.

"I'm serious, Paul," she said, eyes blazing, "The moment you walked into my life _everything_ started going downhill for me. And your constant reminders of everything that's wrong with my relationship with Jesse are not helping. It's like you're just trying to make me miserable! And, to tell the truth, I wouldn't put it past you. Do you get some kind of kick out of it?"

"Of course not, Suze. I swear I don't want to hurt you, I just…"

I'd never felt so pathetic. There I was, practically _begging_ Suze not to hate me. What was wrong with me? I don't _beg!_ I couldn't believe I was actually behaving like this. What happened to not caring about other people? See what Suze had reduced me to? She's brought out this weakness in me. I snapped my mouth shut and did my best not to glare at her.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, "If you don't want to hurt me then why do you keep doing it? You must _love_ kicking people when they're down because you can't seem to get enough of doing it to me-"

"Shut up," I said. My voice was quiet but it still got my sudden anger across to Suze quite effectively. She shut her mouth automatically and actually looked pretty scared.

I didn't get it. Why did I care? Why were the things she was saying hurting me so much? Why did the hate in her eyes as she looked up at me cause me to feel more pain than I ever had before?

My fists clenched. I was furious at myself for feeling like this. And I was furious at Suze for being the one who was making me feel like this. There was no way she was going to get away with this.

"God," I said in the same quiet voice. "God, I really _hate _you sometimes."

She stared at me, her eyes wide with fear. She could tell how angry I was, and she was obviously worried about what I was going to do next. But I didn't care. This anger felt good, I wasn't weak or vulnerable any more, and I could do what I wanted. I could prove to myself that Suze didn't matter, that she was nothing to me – just like I was nothing to her.

And I knew how to do it too. I knew exactly how to make Suze feel the same pain that I had felt before. And I didn't care what the consequences were, just as long as I got back at Suze.

I don't know what I was going to say next. Before any words would come Suze said, "I'm leaving now. You don't have to worry about driving me home, I'll walk."

I watched as she walked out of the room. There was no point in trying to stop her. She could go mess up her feet again if she wanted. I didn't care. I was too angry with her.

I don't know what made her think she could say those things to me. It was like she thought I didn't have feelings. That she could say anything and it wouldn't matter because I wouldn't care. Well sorry to disappoint you, Suze, but I do care, way too much.

What right did she have to make me feel this way? She wasn't going to get away with it, that was for sure. She couldn't make me fall in love with her then just keep putting me down all the time. I was going to make sure she knew that.

So when Jesse showed up in my room later that night – probably because Suze had told him what had happened between us and he was here to kick my ass because of it – I did what I'd been wanting to do since I first found out about Suze's feelings for him, I shifted with him and left him stranded in Shadowland. I didn't care about the deal I'd made with Suze, none of that mattered to me anymore. The only reason I wanted to see Suze now was so I knew she was suffering as much as I was.

I told Jesse exactly what I thought of him and his relationship with Suze. I made sure he felt guilty about staying with her and how he was getting in the way of her life. He didn't want to listen to me, he tried to ignore it at first, but I could tell that he knew what I was saying was true. When I was sure that he was going to move on I left him there. If it didn't work and Suze brought him back then I'd just have to try something that he couldn't get out of so easily. Either way Suze was going to regret what she'd said to me, there was no doubt about that.

When Suze didn't come to school the next day I knew it had worked. Jesse was gone, and this time he wasn't coming back. Good, I thought. It'd teach her not to mess with me.

When Suze did turn up at school the day after that, though, she was different somehow. She didn't come over and yell at me or hit me like I was expecting her to do; she just ignored me. Not that it mattered, just as long as she had some idea of how I had felt, I didn't care what she did.

When I watched her I saw that she wasn't as lively as she was before. Her eyes weren't as bright. She didn't laugh and joke with her friends. It was like nothing mattered to her anymore. She was heart broken.

And that suited me just fine.

I was so sick of Suze and the way she made me feel. I wasn't the slightest bit bothered that she wasn't going to come to any more shifter lessons. I didn't even want to do the stupid things any more. I didn't care if I never saw her again.

As the days went by, and I continued to watch Suze act like she just didn't care about anything anymore, I started to wonder how much she had really changed me. I mean, I had done this to her and I just didn't care. I was still the same guy who did whatever it took to get what I wanted, no matter who I ended up hurting. The thing was, though, that I found, even after everything that had happened, one of the other things that hadn't changed were my feelings for Suze. Sure, I was still angry with her but I wanted her just the same. It was my anger that had made me do what I did, it must have been. Because, really, I still loved her.

And she still hated me.

'Hate' was probably the understatement of the century by now. She knew it was me who'd got rid of Jesse. How could she not know?

She hadn't been lying when she said that she wouldn't come running to me when Jesse left, she hadn't so much as looked at me since it happened. Jesse wasn't in the way of us being together anymore; instead it was Suze's hatred for me, something that was my own fault.

I kept watching her. Almost longingly, I guess. I couldn't believe how much my attitude had changed in just a few days. Before I had been pleased that she was so upset but now I felt pained just from seeing her tired, lifeless eyes or her fake smile. She wasn't getting any better. I wasn't proud of what I'd done any more. Her broken heart was no longer fine by me. I wanted to make it better but didn't know how.

I couldn't believe that I'd just sat and laughed as I watched her world crumble in front of her. And then, after making sure that she refused to even look at me anymore, I'd realised that I couldn't live without her.

She'd done it again. She'd made me feel guilty. And this time I couldn't forget about it. This time I'd gone too far.

Sure, I've hurt people in the past, but I've never cared before. Not like this. It hadn't mattered a bit to me. But now the guilt was almost unbearable. Suze didn't deserve this. All she'd done was love somebody else. And out of anger and jealousy I'd ruined her life. And now I regret it.

I tried apologizing, but it did no good. I wasn't expecting it to either. I just wanted her to know that I felt bad for what I'd done, and then perhaps she wouldn't hate me quite so much. But, of course, she wouldn't even look at me.

She could have yelled at me, screamed at me how much she loathed me or she could have hit me or anything but it wouldn't had hurt as much as that did. Because that just proved that I was nothing to her.

It was only then that I realised what I'd done. I'd made it so that the only person who I really cared about hated me more than anything. Now I was alone again. And there was nothing I could do about it. I'd dug my own grave and now I had to lie in it.

Unless...


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I most definitely do not own anything from The Mediator

Regrets

Chapter two

I was starting to find it hard to keep Suze out of my head. The way she had ignored me was hard to forget about. It had hurt me so much. I know that Suze was hardly going to throw herself at me after what I'd done but if she had yelled at me then it would at least looked like she was becoming more like her old self. Because if there's one thing I know for certain it's that Suze isn't the same. Jesse leaving had changed her. And I didn't like it; I wanted the old Suze back.

So as I was doing my homework one night and the image of her face as she had ignored me came into my mind I decided that I wasn't going to let Suze live like this. I was going to help her get over Jesse. By getting her to like me instead.

Ok, so you may, at this point, be remembering the hundreds of other times I'd said this to my self –one of them being what got me into this mess in the first place- and be thinking 'yeah right like that's ever going to work'. But this time I was going to go about it differently. I'd leaned my lesson about kissing her and hoping for the best (I've noticed that Suze never really appreciated this). Instead I was going to win her affections by acting like a decent human being. She'd see that I'd changed and wouldn't be able to resist me.

There was one flaw to my plan though. To do this I'd have to spend time with her, something that was much, much easier said than done.

My first attempt was, I'll admit, pretty crappy. I just went over to where she was sitting at lunch and sat down next to her. Not one of my better ideas but then, what did I have to lose? This time Suze did look at me; she seemed pretty shocked that I'd had the nerve to join her and her friends. And she wasn't the only one.

"Er, what are you doing?" Cee Cee asked. I don't know how much Cee Cee knew about what was going on between Suze and me but it was pretty obvious that she (Suze) wasn't on the best of terms with me.

I smiled. "Oh, I just thought I'd join you," I told her casually.

Suze glared at me and said, "I don't think so."

I looked at her. "Suze I-" I began, only before I could say anything more she just stood up and walked off.

Adam and Cee Cee exchanged worried glances then quickly stood up and followed their friend. I just stayed where I was sat wondering what on earth I was supposed to do next.

"Nice one," I heard someone laugh from behind me. I didn't turn around, I knew it was just April, a girl who I'd started talking to after the events at Brad Ackerman's hot tub party made everyone else think I was a freak. Dissing Kelly Prescott the way I had hadn't helped my popularity much either. Not that I was particularly bothered by it all though. I had bigger things to worry about than whether or not Princess Kelly and her dumb friends worshipped me. It was actually a relief to get away from them.

April, however, didn't really care what other people thought and after congratulating me on the way I handled Kelly she soon became a much more likeable companion. Not that we were all that close, she was just some one that I could talk to without having to worry about my IQ suffering.

I glared at her as she sat down opposite me. She knew about my situation with Suze –not the whole thing, just that I liked her and she hated me- but was not very supportive about it.

"So what was that about?" She asked.

"Nothing," I grumbled in reply.

"Dude," April said, shaking her head, "that was _so _not nothing. You know Suze isn't going to start liking you if you stalk her."

I rolled my eyes, frustrated. "I sat down next to her so I could attempt to make conversation, it was hardly stalking."

April just shrugged and started eating her fries.

She was right though; I was going about this the wrong way. The thing was, though, that I didn't know what else was I could do. With Suze ignoring me the way she was how was I going to get her to notice me at all?

"What did you do to her anyway?" April asked suddenly.

I didn't say anything. It's not as if I could tell her the truth anyway. I suppose I could have made something up but I didn't see the point.

"Geez, was it _that_ bad?" April looked intrigued now. I could tell that she wasn't planning on giving up till she knew what I had done. Well, she was wasting her breath asking. I wasn't saying a word.

"Come on I wanna know now," She pleaded.

Annoyed, I got up and walked away from her. Either April didn't realise that I wasn't exactly enjoying her company right then or she just didn't care (I'm guessing the latter) because she quickly caught up with me as I made my way through the courtyard and said, "Ok, I understand that you don't want to talk about it and all, but you're acting really weird. It was like one day you were perfectly normal and then the next you come in like a totally different person. And I know it's something to do with Suze so maybe if you told me what's up I could help you."

We stepped into the breezeway and I stopped and shook my head. "You wouldn't understand."

April looked at me, trying to figure out whether or not she should just give in. I could see the concern in her eyes quite clearly. It was weird to think that somebody was actually _worried_ about me. It didn't happen all that often. Sure, gramps was always trying to warn me about the 'dangers' of shifting, but that was different. April was actually bothered about my feelings. It was kind of strange that April, of all people cared about how I felt. No one else cared about me. Even the one person I cared about hated me. So as she looked at me I was pretty shocked, at least until she shrugged and went, "Well if you're sure," then she walked off.

I stared after her thinking perhaps I should have told her something. Nothing about Jesse and him being dead of course, just something, so I could see if she really could help me. I doubt there was anything she could do but it would make me feel better at least. I wondered briefly if I should call her back but in the end decided against it. Maybe I'd tell her some day, just not right then.

I didn't see April again that day and I soon forgot about what had happened with her. I had more important things to worry about anyway, like what I was gong to do about Suze.

By last period I wasn't sure if I'd ever figure out a way to get Suze to give me a chance. As I walked into the class I wondered if I should just give up for now. That was until I noticed that there were only two empty places in the classroom. And it just so happened that one was next to Kelly and the other was next to Suze.

--

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews they were really encouraging. When I posted the first chapter I wasn't really sure whether I was going to just leave it as a one shot or not but as some of you asked for me to continue here I am!

I don't know how often I'm going to be able to update seeing as I'm writing another story as well as this it might not be too often. I've also got exams coming up soon, only two, but seeing as the result is going towards my GCSEs I'll have to revise for them as well. Not fun.

Oh well. Here are some review replies:

Teen princess: Yay. Thanks! The human side of Paul eh? I like the sound of that. It sounds dead impressive.

UnangelicHalo: That's the third time you've figured out I'm English you know. Thanks for the review it was so great to read something like that after I was convinced this was a load of rubbish. Thank you!!!

SandraRose: Aw thanks! I'm glad you liked it. It was hard to explain Paul's feelings the way I wanted to so I'm pleased that even though I couldn't get it quite right someone liked it anyway.

DancinSweethart: Bleh, I can't do make up for my life so most of the time I just stay away from the stuff. Thanks so much for the review.

Caitlin: I know, that's my fave Franz Ferdinand song. I love listening to songs that go with stories. Thanks for the review!!!!

Flonshoe: I never knew you had Eastenders in Canada. It's boss isn't it? Although I wouldn't say it was the best show, that has to go to Kim Possible (I LOVE Ron). Anyway, thanks for the review.


	3. Chapter 3

Regrets

Chapter 3

Sitting next to Suze was completely pointless. I knew it wouldn't do any good whatsoever. But I did it anyway. What? Who did you expect me to choose? It's not like I was doing it just to bug her. I just didn't want to sit next to Kelly that's all. Who knows how she'd take that? Not that I worried about Kelly being angry with me for sitting next to her; it was the opposite I was bothered about.

I was expecting a reaction from Suze though. I guess after what happened at lunch I'd assumed she'd gone back to yelling at me when I annoyed her. But it must have been because I'd taken her by surprise at lunch, since when I sat next to her the second time she was back to ignoring me. Seriously, it was like I wasn't even there. She knew I was though, I know she did, she looked right at me, then just turned away and didn't look back in my direction for the rest of the lesson.

So it appeared she was back to pretending I didn't exist. Why? Because I wasn't worth her wasting her time, of course.

Perfect.

Reluctantly, I forced myself to look away from her and get on with my work. I'd deal with her later.

"Alright, what's going on?"

I turned from my car to face the person who was speaking to me, who turned out to be an angry looking Cee Cee Webb.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not really in the mood for listening to what was obviously going to be a rant about what I did to Suze.

"What have you done to Suze?" Cee Cee elaborated, glaring at me.

"I haven't done anything to Suze," I told her in a useless attempt to cut this short.

"Don't give me that Paul. Suze has changed, you'd have to be blind not to see it, and I know you've got something to do with it. So what did you do?"

I was fed up of this already. School had finally finished and all I wanted was to go home; instead I got an angry Cee Cee Webb with her heart set on interrogating me.

"Look," I said calmly, "Suze hasn't told you herself so she obviously doesn't want you to know. So if I told you then I really wouldn't be doing myself any favours, would I?"

Cee Cee gave me a very frustrated look. "This isn't about you, Paul, it's about Suze so stop thinking about yourself for a minute and tell me what's wrong with her."

After pretending to think about it for a few seconds I replied, "No, I don't think I will."

I turned to get into my car but Cee Cee grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Please," she said, "Just tell me. Is it to do with… Jesse?"

I turned to her. So she knew about Jesse. How much? I wondered. Cee Cee didn't seem like the type to believe in ghosts. But then, she'd seen what happened at the party so perhaps that was enough to make her believe.

"How, exactly, do you think you think you can help her?" I asked.

"I don't know. That's why I'm asking you."

I looked at her for a while, then, I don't know why, but I gave in.

"I exorcised him," I said simply, then, while Cee Cee was standing there, in a kind of shocked silence, I got into my car and drove off.

April was quiet during lunch the next day. I wasn't in a particularly chatty mood myself, but April usually had quite a lot to say, it was odd to see her so quiet.

"Ok, what's wrong?" I asked eventually.

April looked up from her food, surprised that I'd asked. "Nothing."

"Is it to do with yesterday? Because I really don't need your help. I can handle it."

"I'm just worried about you," she said sincerely.

"Well don't be. I'm fine."

I smiled at her, a fake smile, of course, since I was not fine. I was no different from yesterday, or any other day since I met Suze. But April didn't need to know that. I wanted her off my case, remember. I'd decided in the end that I wasn't going to say anything to her after all. It wouldn't do anything except make her worry more. And I didn't need that.

"You don't seem fine to me," April muttered.

"Oh come on April," I said, fed up, "let's not get into all this again. Just _pretend_ I'm fine if nothing else, because there's nothing you can do to help, believe me."

Thankfully, April was silent after that. I didn't want to get into an argument with her right then.

"What are we going to do about that biology assignment?" I asked after a while.

We'd been set an assignment to do in pairs the other day and I'd forgotten about it until now.

April shrugged. "I'm not sure," she said. "Wanna come over to mine after school and make a start on it?"

I nodded. "Sure," I replied.

We both went quiet again after that.

I looked around and my eyes settled on Suze's table. She appeared to be having an argument with her friends, probably over what I told Cee Cee last night. Cee Cee was talking to a very fed up Suze when the ghost of a woman in her late twenties materialized next to their table. Suze looked up as the ghost started talking to her.

At first I didn't think anything of it. She was just another of Suze's charity cases, no big deal.

But then, as Suze was making her excuses to leave to Adam and Cee Cee it hit me. These lost souls weren't always that easy to please. In fact I'd heard –courtesy of Father Dom- that Suze had gotten herself into quite a lot of bother in the past because of them. So what if I gave her a hand with this one? It would give me a perfect opportunity to spend time with her, and, since ghosts have a tendency to get a bit homicidal when their problems aren't solved, she wouldn't be able to just walk away. It wasn't one hundred percent guaranteed to work, of course, but I was willing to give it a try. It all depended on what the ghost's problem was.

So I told April I had something to do and I'd be back in a minute then got up and followed Suze. They went to an empty locker room to talk. I couldn't follow them in with out being seen but if I stood outside the door then I could just make out what Suze was saying.

"I promise I'm working on it, Eva, but it's not that easy. I can't just go round to this guy's house and ask him to confess to what he did. I need a plan."

The ghost, Eva, spoke then, "No, that's not what I'm asking. He's convinced someone to give him a fake alibi; you need to get her to go to the police."

"What do you know about her then? Is she dangerous?" Suze asked.

"I can't say, I don't know her."

"Well can you at least tell me where she lives? Or her phone number or something?" Suze asked sounding exasperated.

I took a chance and looked into the room. Luckily neither of them were looking my way, Suze was leaning against a locker looking bored while Eva spoke to her, "No, but I know her name. It's-"

But just as she was saying this Eva looked around and saw me, "Who's that?" She asked as I quickly got out of sight. It was too late though; Suze came out and saw me.

Whoops.

A/N: I'm not sure what I think of this chapter. I guess I'll just leave it to you to decide whether it was good or bad.

Thanks for the reviews…

Flonshoe: I don't want to disappoint you but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to because I wasn't planning on bringing Jesse back. I know ps is an evil pairing but once I got the idea for this I couldn't stop myself. Sorry. Just think about it this way though, if Jesse did come back then what good would it do in a story about Paul. Even if I managed to put loads of fluff in it the effect would be totally ruined by the fact that it's in Paul's pov. Thanks for reviewing anyway. Please don't abandon me now you know the horrible truth, you never know, you might like it. I'm not a Paul fan and I like it.

Sandra Rose: Don't worry about it; it would totally ruin the story if Paul fell for April. Not to mention the fact that any ps fans reading this would kill me. Anyway, thanks, I'm glad you like it.

RayHaisa: I don't like Paul that much either but this would make an interesting fic so I wrote it anyway. Thanks for reviewing.

Mystique Angelique: Thank you! I'm glad you like it. I'm not sure if I've got the commas right but it seemed okay when I read through it. Just let me know if I go wrong again.

TeenPrincess: Thanks. I think I updated pretty quickly considering I'm writing three fics at once and I had writer's block for a while on this one.

BookZwurm: They spoke a bit more in this chapter. Although, I'll admit it wasn't on purpose. It's just that my mum's an English teacher and she's always telling me that my characters talk too much, and since I'm rubbish at describing stuff I just write their feelings. Sorry if you think it's a bit boring.

Chloe: No point in saying much since I already spoke to you, but I just thought I'd say thanks so you don't feel left out. :D

Review please everyone!


	4. Chapter 4

**Regrets**

**Chapter Four**

**A/N: From now on, I'm writing this story with Chloe (Rinoa/Masuki/Yuna) so yay for that. Go review her stuff. Especially her original fiction. **

**Please be honest when reviewing this chapter, and give us constructive criticism if you can. We weren't sure whether some bits made sense so if you don't understand anything, just ask.**

Suze wasn't as angry as I expected her to be. Not that she was pleased to find me standing outside. Far from it, actually. I'm not stupid; I'm fully aware of how much Suze hates me, so how could she be pleased to see me? But that was it really; just the pure loathing that was so clear in her eyes. She didn't shout or anything, she was more confused than angry.

"What are you doing?" She asked, looking genuinely baffled. "Are you… spying on me?"

Suze's voice was low, just above a whisper, and her eyes were wide and full of the fear that I thought had vanished ages ago. Fear of me. I almost laughed. What could I do to her, Susannah Simon, who I have come to love more than anything? Maybe I've hurt her in the past but that's a mistake that _won't_ be repeated. As if I _could _do it again! Look where it got me last time. I mean, guilt doesn't affect me all that often but after what I did to Suze, it was almost unbearable. No one but Suze could make me feel like that. So Suze had nothing to be scared about.

"I wouldn't call it spying," I replied, not bothering to keep my own voice down. Eva had dematerialized and everyone else was still at dinner. We had the corridor to ourselves.

I leant against a stone pillar. The same one, I noticed, that I had backed Suze up against just a few weeks ago. It was hard to believe that I'd thought my problems back then were bad. They were nothing compared to this. Back then I was convinced that I'd have Suze, but now, even though I was still trying, I couldn't see it happening.

Suze folded her arms and gave me a sarcastic look. I could tell that the confident way she was acting was put on. She was dying to get away from me. This conversation was just a good excuse to tell me to get lost. When did things get this bad?

"Oh, so what would you call listening in on my conversations like that then?" she asked. "What were you even doing it for?"

Before I could even open my mouth to say God knows what, Suze spoke again:

"You know what? Forget it. I really don't want to know. Just leave me alone in the future."

Then she started to walk back outside. I couldn't leave it at that, so I caught up with her and grabbed her arm to stop her. Suze flashed me a look of annoyance but this was the first proper chance I've had to talk to her since all this began. I wasn't going to let her get away.

Suze tried to pull away but I tightened my grip around her wrist.

"Suze, when are you going to stop ignoring me?" I asked as she tried to pull away again, her look of fear becoming clear in her face. But I wasn't going to give in to it.

"Let go of me, Paul," she said.

"Not until you listen to me. You have to understand that I really am sorry for hurting you."

It wasn't a lie. I really was sorry, but you could tell that Suze didn't believe me. Why should she? I'd done so much to her and back then I hadn't even cared. Now things were different but Suze obviously didn't think so.

"Yeah, right," she said and twisted her arm, trying to get away. "Just let go of my arm."

I tightened my grip. "I'm serious," I said.

She ignored me. "I'm running out of patience," she growled and paused. I didn't react at all. Suddenly, her hand swung towards me. I caught it and pushed her back up against the wall then, unable to resist, I smirked. Her eyes widened, her fear increasing.

"Now listen to me," I commanded. She wasn't the only one running out of patience. "I said I'm sorry. What more can I do?"

"How about leave me alone?" she asked, trying to sound fierce, but her voice cracked.

Oh, Suze, I wish it were that easy.

"Suze…" I sighed. "If you insist on pushing people away, then you'll end up being even more unhappy."

"What do you know about how I feel? You don't know anything about me, Paul." But I did know about her. That was part of the problem.

"No, _they _don't know anything about you, Suze. Those friends of yoursWhat do they know about anything? They can't help you," I leaned in closer to her. "I can though."

She was angry, I could tell. And I could also tell that she knew I was right.

"Paul, let go of me now, or, I swear, you'll be sorry." She was just ignoring the truth. She wasn't going to listen to me.

As she struggled, I said, "_I'll _be sorry? You're the one who's going to be sorry if you don't listen to me-"

"Oh my God! What are you doing?" squealed a voice. I turned around, irritated, and saw Cee Cee Webb and Adam McTavish – Suze's friends. Adam pulled Suze away from me and Cee Cee shrieked, "Were you _threatening _her?"

"I'm fine," Suze muttered, glaring at me.

Looking angry, Adam said, "What were you doing to her?"

I gave him a cold stare.

"It's none of your business," I snarled at him.

"I think we have a right to know if you're threatening our friend," countered Cee Cee.

"It's alright," Suze said. "Paul was just about to go."

"I don't think so." I glowered at her.

"Haven't you done enough damage already?" asked Cee Cee.

Adam looked confused, "Huh?"

Suze just stared at Cee Cee in disbelief. She didn't know that I'd told her what had happened.

"You've already broken her heart, Paul. It's what you wanted, isn't it? So why can't you just leave her alone?"

"Huh?" Adam said again, completely oblivious to what we were talking about.

I looked at him briefly then turned back to Cee Cee and said, "This is between Suze and me. Stay out of it."

"If you didn't want me to be involved then you shouldn't have said anything, Paul."

I lost my temper. I turned to Suze, enraged, and spat, "Suze, for God's sake, I'm trying to help you! Can you see what I'm getting at? What good is this nosy bitch and-"

Pain suddenly exploded in my face and I stumbled backwards. Had _Adam _just punched me? _Adam McTavish? _(A/N: Tee hee! Sorry, we couldn't resist. :p) I got really pissed then. What right did _he _have to punch _me? _I straightened up and strode up to him, absolutely furious. I was just about to retaliate when I heard Sister Ernestine's infuriated voice scream, "Mr. McTavish! Get yourself to Father Dominic's office this instant!"

Adam scowled at her and muttered, "Stupid broad," before doing as she instructed.

I glared at Cee Cee and Suze and then stormed off.

**Review replies….**

**Teen-princess- Do you like cliffies? I don't really but some people do, so I was just wondering. Thanks for reviewing.**

**RebelWriter- How are you supposed to reply to a review like that? That was… I don't know what it was, but trust me, I am flattered, though I'd make a pretty crappy journalist. I can't write newspaper articles for my life… Thank you!!!!!**

**BabiGurl15- Did you get that from my name? They must be if they were released in America in the first place with Louise being British. Thanks for your review.**

**SwEeT-sHoRtEy- I'll try my best. Thanks. I'm glad you like it. **

**RidgelandHater- It appears she has done :P Thank you for the review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Regrets**

**A/N: **Elaine -Chloe changed her pen-name to timydamonkey, now. What inconvenient timing…

Oh, and neither of us have read 'Twilight' yet (-grumbles- Stupid England.). So we know nothing about what happened there or anything about shifting powers that could have been mentioned. So… we're using our imaginations. Yeah, making them up. Be afraid… be very afraid…

**Chapter Five**

I did go over to April's to start the assignment. I wasn't really concentrating though. I'll give you three guesses what I was thinking about it…

Yeah, that would be Suze.

So confronting her hadn't worked, but that didn't mean I had to give up. I just had to come up with a new scheme.

Something I decided to get to work on straight away.

April was getting annoyed at my lack of concentration though.

"Hello? Paul? Are you even _there?" _I dimly heard her say.

I was awoken from my staring trance when she thwacked her hand across the back of my head.

"PAUL!"

"What the-" I preceded to swear violently at her. She looked shocked.

"Whoa, calm down, dude," she muttered. She seemed to be having second thoughts about my 'character'.

"I _am _calm," I snarled, faintly aware that I was completely contradicting my statement.

"Okay! No hitting, I get it!"

"Darn straight." I muttered, glaring at her for good measure.

"Okay, so were you actually planning on getting _on_ with this damn assignment?"

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes, irritated.

"Right, so I reckon we should start off with…"

I guess I listened for about two minutes. Then my thoughts started drifting back to something else. Or, more accurately, somebody else.

I wasn't really bothered about the stupid assignment. This was, after all, more important. You know, the whole stopping-Suze-from-slipping-into-depression-due-to-the-lack-of-a-certain-cowboy-member-of-the-undead-by-getting-her-to-fall-desperately-in-love-with-me thing.

Yeah. That.

I didn't seem to be doing a very good job though. So far, it was Suze: 1 and Paul: 0.

Or something like that.

And you know how much I hate losing.

April continued to drone on about nothing. She didn't seem to know I wasn't listening, and hadn't really been listening for practically the whole two hours we'd been at her house.

Anyway, back to the scheming…

Insulting Suze's friends hadn't worked. What would…? No way am I dropping the attitude. Maybe I should blackmail her friends into telling her I was a nice guy… Yeah, like _that _would work. I don't have anything on her friends anyway.

Although, speaking of blackmail… I could get something on her. I mean, it worked before… sort of. It might give me time to think of a more permanent solution…

"Yo, Paul, I'm asking your opinion here!"

What can I blackmail her with?

"Paul!" April was really starting to get on my nerves.

"What?" I snapped, irritated.

"This assignment is due in on Friday! We haven't even got it _started _yet."

"We've got plenty of time. Can't we do this when I've got less things on my mind?"

"Things on your mind? Oh, let me guess. That'd be Suze, wouldn't it?"

That girl was good.

"Paul, you've got to stop think about Suze for five seconds." I could feel a lecture coming, and decided it would probably be better if I left.

"Why can't you get off my back?" I asked, angry. "I'm going now. Bye."

I turned to walk out of the room. April sighed. "Don't go now. Look, I'll stop talking about Suze, alright?"

"I was about to go anyway."

She seemed somewhat disappointed.

"We don't need to do work if you really don't want to."

What doesn't she get about the word 'no'? Does she think if she asks me enough times I'll change my mind?

I was just about to spell it out clearly for her, when the doorbell rang.

Great.

"Just wait a minute," April said and went to open the door.

I rolled my eyes and started to gather my belongings.

Then I heard something that made me freeze…

Suze's voice.

"Come on through," I heard April say.

Suze walked through to the room that I was in. Then she stopped in her tracks.

"Paul? What are you doing here?" She spluttered.

I could have asked her the same question.

April answered for me. "We _were _working on our Biology assignment." She stressed the word were.

"You're busy then? I'll come back another time," she looked kind of relieved.

"We've just finished," I chipped in, glaring at April so that she'd get the message.

"Yeah," said April. "Well, to what do we owe the pleasure?"

She looked uncomfortable. "Well, there was something I wanted to say but seeing as you've got company…" she trailed off, glaring daggers at me.

"If there's anything you really want to say, I'm sure you can say it in front of him."

Suze glared at me again. "It's none of his business," she muttered. Seeing that I wasn't about to go anywhere, she sighed and stopped protesting. "Fine, I'll tell you…"

I looked at her curiously.

"Have you ever heard of Eva McDonald?"

I glanced at her. _Eva? _Wasn't that the name of that charity case she was talking to the other day…?

April looked kind of shocked – a dead giveaway that she knew something she wasn't planning on letting out. She tried to redeem herself by saying, "Wasn't she that person on the news last night? They found her dead or something?"

I stared at Suze, wondering what she was going to say next. "Yeah. She was murdered. They arrested this guy who they thought had done it, but then they let him go." She seemed to realize that she knew more than she should, so she added, "Apparently."

April's face was blank now. "Yeah, so?" She asked, "What has that got to do with me?"

Yeah. What's it got to do with _April? _I really didn't get it.

"Only…" Suze's eye's flickered over to mine for a second then she was back looking at April seeming determined to get this over with. "Only he really was the murderer."

A look of fear appeared on April's face but quickly disappeared again. She definitely looked uncomfortable. "How do you know that?" She asked, her voice shaking slightly.

Slowly it was all beginning to make sense.

Suze shook her head. "That's not important. The point is that someone gave him a false alibi. And now a murderer is walking the streets."

Now _I_ was staring at April as well.

She cracked.

"He didn't mean to!"

Her eyes widened as she realised what she'd let slip.

"I mean…" she looked lost.

I really couldn't believe this. I mean, it was _April!_ She really didn't seem the type to be in league with a murderer.

It's always the quiet ones, eh?

"You can't let someone get away with murder, April," Suze told her.

April shook her head. "You don't understand. I can't just turn my own brother in."

Whoa. Her _brother_. This was getting better by the minute!

"But-" She trailed off. We all looked around as we heard the door open and close and saw a young man drunkenly stumbled in.

He looked kind of like April. Same dark hair and eyes. Was this her brother then?

"Hey April," He said, grinning. "Who's the cutie?"

I wish the men would stop talking about me like that… Oh wait, he meant Suze.

That would be why he was leering at her…

April gave Suze a look that clearly said the conversation was over. Then Suze took the hint and with a sigh, left.

Well, I never expected this to happen.

**A/N: **Chloe – The drunken bit was my idea. I was actually joking, but we did it anyway –snickers- We were both quite hyper, you see. Blame Elaine :P Anyway…. Go review.

Oh, and I'm doing the review replies this time while Elaine is devoid of her internet access. –gasp- So here you go:

RidgelandHater – I actually like Paul… but yeah, he probably is misunderstood.

Mystique Angelique – Thanks a bunch. We're both flattered.

SharkFin – Heh, it's okay :P Yeah, it's a… different side to Adam, in a way. We don't think Paul can be fully nice, but he's trying, in his own way.

Sandra Rose – Thanks. I liked that bit too. Yeah, you're right about the whole friends-backing-each-other-up thing. You do have a good point with the advice thing, though…

SwEeT-sHoRtEy – Thanks very much.


	6. Chapter 6

**Regrets **

**Chapter 6**

As soon as the door shut, I turned to April, my eyebrows raised. I'm not claiming to know everything about April, but this really wasn't something I would have expected from her.

She sighed and, giving me a pleading look, then said, "Just let me explain."

I glanced at her brother, who had switched the TV on and sat down. He was ignoring us. But I highly doubted this was something we should discuss in front of him. April, seeming to know what I was thinking, said, "Come on," and led me through to the garden.

She walked over to a bench and sat down, hugging her knees.

I sat down next to her. "Explain then," I commanded.

At first she didn't say anything. She just stared absently at a colourful flowerbed. Suze bringing all this up had _not_ made her a happy bunny.

When she finally spoke her voice came out low and soft. There was no trace of her usual cheerfulness. She didn't even lift her eyes from the flowers.

"She really hates you," She told me.

Like I needed to be told that! I've only known it since Summer!

"Don't try to change the subject, April," I said flatly.

She just kept staring. God, this was annoying.

"Weren't _you_ the one who wanted to tell me what was going on?"

She hugged her knees tighter then nodded.

"He's a good person really," She murmured.

Yeah, I thought, keep telling yourself that.

"Your brother?" I asked sceptically.

That made her look at me. I could see tears shining in her eyes, ready to spill.

"You don't understand," She said, almost desperately. "He's a great brother. He really looks out for me. What kind of sister would I be if I just let him get locked up?"

I shrugged. I guess I couldn't really relate to that. I mean, what had Jack ever done for me? It's his fault that I met Suze in the first place… While not knowing her would have made my life so much easier.

"But you said yourself that you had a brother! Surely you must know what I mean!"

"Jack and I were never that close," I informed her nonchalantly.

She persisted though, "Even if he was about to be locked up and this was the only way you could stop it from happening? You still wouldn't bother?"

I laughed at that thought. I mean, _Jack_ getting into trouble with the police? As if _that_ would ever happen. Never mind him actually getting _arrested_. Then I said, "If he's gone and gotten himself arrested, which I seriously doubt would ever happen, then that's his problem, not mine."

At least I was being honest…

April stared at me, really shocked that I'd just said that.

"Look," I added, " This really isn't the point."

April's look turned sour. "What do you expect me to do?" She asked, raising her voice, "Turn him in?"

"I, personally, don't care what you do. But I'm telling you now, Suze is not going to give up until he's locked away."

She shook her head and said firmly, "He's not a bad person. Yeah, sure, he's got a temper but so have a lot of people. He's not going to do it again. If Suze thinks my brother is some kind of serial killer then she's wrong! You can't possibly imagine the guilt he's feeling!"

I let out a bitter laugh at that. "You'd be surprised," I muttered.

April gave me a startled look. "You mean you've- "

"No," I said, "I haven't killed anyone. That's something I could live with. But…" I sighed, letting my gaze drift over the garden, "There's a reason why Suze hates me so much, you know."

April nodded slowly.

"I really do love her. She's probably the only person I'll ever love. And what do I go and do?" I scowled, "I hurt her in the worst way I possibly could. I just blew _everything _in one moment of anger. And do you know what the worst bit is?"

I looked over to April and saw that she was watching me intently as I spoke. She shook her head in answer to my question and I said, "I could change all this. I could take back all the pain I caused her… But I don't want to."

April's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "But you love her," She said, "Why don't you want her to be happy?"

I said, my voice bitter, "Because she was happy with _him_. She loved _him_. And now that he's out of the picture, I'm the only one she's got and she knows it."

April asked, "What did you do to him?"

I shook my head. "You wouldn't believe me."

"I don't believe you'd joke about something like this," She told me sincerely.

Then she'd think I was crazy. Not that I cared what she thought. I'd just told her enough already. Too much, in fact. I didn't want her to think we were forming some kind of close relationship. She was just someone I could talk to. Nothing more.

When I didn't answer April went, "I think you should just let them be happy."

That got me angry. "That's because you don't know anything!" I sneered. April looked shocked at how I'd snapped at her. But I didn't care, I went on anyway, "He was completely bad for her. It would never have worked out between them. He'd have left anyway, after a while. And, believe me, that would have hurt her a lot more than I've done."

April turned away from me but I could still see the hurt look on her face.

I shouldn't have said that. I hadn't meant to tell her anything really. I don't know how, but it just all came out whether I wanted it to or not. I really wished I hadn't said anything.

I got up, ready to leave. Before I got anywhere, though, April said stonily, "She hates you. What makes you think that stalking her, or whatever it is you're doing, will change anything?"

Pissed off, I replied, "Can you tell me what this has to do with you?"

She stood up as well at that.

"This is as much my business as what went on with Suze and her boyfriend was yours."

"_What_?" I asked.

I really didn't get that. I mean, I loved Suze; I made it my business because I knew she was going to get hurt in the end. I was only trying to, well, soften the blow, I guess. Even if that's not how it worked out in the end, it's still a perfectly good excuse. What excuse did April have for telling me what to do?

Let's just think for a minute… Oh yeah, nothing!

She didn't explain. She just said, "Forget about Suze. If what you said is true then any feelings she could have had before are long gone now. Nothing will change that. So why bother?"

I shook my head. "You're wrong."

April stepped right up to me and said, "You know I'm not. Just stop worrying about Suze all the time. You've got your own life, so live it."

Yeah, and some life that was. April really didn't know what she was talking about.

"The idea was that I get Suze to-"

"Paul, can you just shut up about her for one second?"

She seemed pretty annoyed at me. Or was it Suze she was annoyed at? Wait… she wasn't… jealous was she?

I grinned. It was quite funny actually. I mean, a few weeks ago I'd been saying the same (or almost the same) things to Suze about Jesse. I didn't think then that it would be happening to me!

April noticed my grin. "What now?" She asked, rolling her eyes.

"You're jealous," I said.

She turned bright red. "I'm not jealous! Why would I be jealous?"

"Then why are you so bothered about me talking about Suze?"

"I just…" She couldn't answer.

"See? Jealous."

Cheeks still burning, she said, "Ok, so what if I am? I just think- why are you laughing?"

"I wasn't laughing!" I put on a straight face.

"Yeah, but you were looking at me weird, like you thought it was funny," April looked slightly hurt.

With a small smile, I said, "Well it is, kind of."

I guess that wasn't the right thing to say to her, since she was starting to get angry now. She glared at me, "Why do I even bother wasting my time on you?"

I grinned but before I could so much as open my mouth to answer she went, "I don't want to know."

My grin grew wider and she just stood there looking grumpy. It appeared she didn't have anything more to say to me.

"I'll go now," I said.

"Bye then," April grumbled and I left.

**A/N: Elaine- The next chapter might be a while, depends on how many reviews we get. I've told Chloe to start the next chapter but if we don't get many reviews she'll probably refuse to write it until we get a decent amount. At least that's what she said about this chapter…**

**Anyway, I'll get on to the review replies now…**

**Suziebaby: No need to thank _us_ we love were glad we've got your support. Thank you!**

**Mystique Angelique: Hey! Sandra Rose updated today as well. That's kinda weird… Anyway, we're glad you like it so much. Keep reviewing!**

**Twilight Singer: Well it was delayed a bit but here it is! Well, you obviously know that since you've just read it and all… anyway, yeah, we're not so good with the long chapters. The first one was only so long because it was meant to be a one shot and I had to cram a load of stuff into it. Anyway, thanks for reviewing1**

**Nikki: Here's the update. Thanks for reading!**

**You heard what I said before! Review! **


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Chloe timydamonkey – Okay, Elaine pointed out to me that not a lot happened in this chapter, but we decided not to add anything else. The reason for this is because the issues between Paul and Suze discussed in this chapter needed to be addressed. Basically, we want you to take note of what happens here and their feelings about it, so it was better to have a chapter dedicated to it than to have another chapter where this was just a small sideline that people wouldn't notice.

**Does that make sense?**

**It does to us, anyway. **

**You know the drill: read and review, please. **

**Regrets**

**Chapter 7**

Who knew something like this was going to happen? I mean, what are the chances of April being connected to Suze's latest charity case? It was too good to be true!

So what am I going to do now? I'm going to use it to my advantage, of course.

Okay, so getting this guy locked up wasn't going to make me too popular with April, but I can live with that. So long as it means I'll get Suze in the end, anyway.

So what I needed to do was convince Suze that the only way she was going to be able to help Eva was to let me help her. Something which I knew was not going to be easy.

I needed to plan this out. What was the best way to talk to her? Not on the phone – she'd just hang up. So, that left school or her place.

Well, I thought as I got into my car, there's no harm in paying her a little visit now.

I had no idea whether her mother would actually let me in or not, but I had to try, anyway.

In the end, I needn't have bothered worrying. As I pulled up outside 99 Pinecrest Road, I saw a figure sat on the porch roof. A figure I recognized to be Suze.

She stood up as I got out of my car and looked up at her. I couldn't see her expression in the dark, but I'm willing to bet she wasn't all that pleased to see me.

"Hey," I said.

Suze stared down at me, blinking in confusion.

"W-What are you doing here?"

I grinned at her. "Just thought I'd pop over for a chat. Are you coming down, or should I come up?"

"Get lost, Paul!"

I'd been expecting that one.

"I don't think so. I need to talk to you."

"I've got nothing to say to you!"

"You will have," I told her. "So are you coming down or what?"

"No," she said firmly.

"Right. I'll come up, then."

Yeah, I knew this probably wasn't the best way to go about this, but I did it anyway. Winding people up is quite fun.

"God, when are you going to get a life?" She snarled at me.

I smiled and started to climb up a tree next to the porch. When I was at the top, I sat down next to Suze and shrugged, "I don't know. I don't see the point, really."

"What?" Suze looked at me, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

I was slightly surprised that she hadn't moved, you know, to push me off the porch roof or something.

I had no doubt that she wanted to and that she thought I deserved it.

And it's not like it would kill me or anything, she should know that. So why not?

Because that's the kind of person she was: someone who helped others, something that I'd tried to stop her from doing. Why? Who knows? Now, I think about it, though there really wasn't any reason to stop her. Maybe it wasn't so bad that she'd, you know, used her gift for good instead of evil. Helping people and everything.

She was still just staring at me.

"God, Suze. I thought this was going to be easier. You know, I hurt you in the worst way I can, then forget about you?" If she hadn't looked confused before, she sure did now.

"What?" She repeated.

I sighed. This could take a while… "I was so angry. I just wanted to get back at you for-"

"Hating you and loving Jesse?" Give the girl a prize. She was catching on, sort of.

I didn't bother explaining it any further to her; like she'd understand.

"I was pissed, Suze. I wanted to make you feel like I did." True enough, "I didn't stop to think about it. I didn't want to. I didn't know that once the anger was out of the way, I'd start having regrets about what I'd done."

She was staring at me again, speechless. I carried on.

"I guess… I guess I just wanted to prove to myself that didn't need you."

"Well, I'm pretty sure you don't, okay? So just leave."

She stood up, gave me one last glare, then climbed back in the window.

I stared after her. Okay, I admit it, I was mad. So there I'd been, pouring out the feelings I'd get bottled up, and she was _dismissing _them? Did she think I was lying, or was she just denying everything I've said? Had she even listened?

So, all in all, I was pretty pissed.

"Damnit, Suze!" I called after her. The window was still open, and I knew she was still in there. She could hear me perfectly well. "When will you realize that I care? It was a heat-of-the-moment thing. Just you wait, I'll show you I care, Suze!"

Her only reply was slamming the window closed.

I scowled at her as she turned away, then I proceeded to climb down the tree.

What was I thinking? Well, just a few words were running through my head: _I'll show her. _

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. We'll try and make the next chapter longer. Keep reviewing!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Regrets**

**Chapter 8**

"Paul!"

Oh no. Not now.

I know I've not been a good person in the past, but do I really deserve this?

"Paul!"

It was no good. Ignoring her wasn't going to help anything.

I turned around.

"Hey Kelly." I didn't even bother to try and sound pleased to see her, because I seriously wasn't.

Kelly didn't seem to notice my lack of enthusiasm though because she was beaming at me, seeming to have totally forgotten the incident that had occurred the last time we spoke.

Wasn't this my lucky day?

"Hey Paul!" she chirped. Then, getting right to the point, she said,

"So, did you hear about the Winter Formal?"

God, where did she think I'd been? The whole year had been talking of nothing else since it had been announced this morning.

"Yeah," I said, starting to walk away. Kelly, needless to say, followed.

"So are you going?" she asked.

I couldn't believe this. Save the odd death glare, Kelly had totally ignored me since my second week in this school. And now here she was, expecting me to ask her to the dance! Because that's what she was doing, hinting to me that it was ok for me to ask her now.

"Maybe," I said.

She smiled, flicking her long blonde hair. She really was hot.

Too bad I wasn't interested.

You see I fully intended to have Suze as my girlfriend by the time the Winter Formal came. I was positive my plan wasn't going to fail.

Then came the inevitable question. "You got a date yet?"

I grinned; this would be interesting. "Yes."

It was a lie, but that didn't matter, it was only Kelly after all.

Kelly's mouth opened, then closed again, but she didn't say anything. Clearly this was not the answer she had been expecting.

"Oh," she said eventually, and then she forced a smile. "Yeah, me too."

I smirked. I couldn't help it. "That 's great." Then, fed up of this conversation, I said, "See you."

Then I walked off.

-

It appeared that April was avoiding me. To tell the truth this actually came as a bit of a surprise, I hadn't realised she'd been that upset by what I'd said to her yesterday. I wished she'd picked a better time to start hating me though. I mean, I had a plan; this really wasn't helping!

It wasn't until the beginning of lunch that I got a chance to talk to her. I was just about to walk out of the classroom we'd both just had English in when I noticed April was still writing something. Now that was convenient.

I waited for a few other people, including the teacher, to leave the room then I shut the door. April looked up at the sound of the door closing and a stunned appeared on her face as she realised it was just the two of us in the room. She stared at me, clearly unable to think of anything to say.

"You okay, April?" I asked casually, walking over to sit on the desk next to hers.

She quickly got over the shock then shot me a look as she began to pack her things away. "What do you care?"

Definitely mad then… Ugh! Bloody April…

I returned with a fake smile, "You know I do. So, I'll ask again, how are you?"

She glared at me and, noticing that I was between her and the door, growled, "Fine."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at the short answer. Okay, it just really seemed like she just wanted to get away from me, but what would I look like if I let her do that? She didn't even really have a reason to be mad at me in the first place. She really can't take a joke.

"Are you sure there's nothing bothering you?" I asked. I guess it wasn't really the best thing to say to her, but at least this time I got a proper answer out of her.

"No, I'm just great," she said very sarcastically. "I'm especially enjoying having your precious Suze bug me every chance she gets."

It begins…

The Suze trying to get April to confess thing, I mean.

"About your brother?" I asked.

Her eyes narrowed then she looked away and nodded.

A small smile crept onto my face. "She can be stubborn," I said.

A look of annoyance flashed through April's eyes. I quickly stopped smiling.

"I'm not giving in to her, " April told me, giving me a determined look.

I briefly wondered if I should start trying to convince her otherwise, but I left it. I needed to get her trust first.

"I'm sorry about last night," I said.

She looked up at me, and then sighed.

"It's okay, I guess," She said softly. "I mean, it's not like I need you to break it to me gently. That you're not interested in me that way, I mean."

I opened my mouth to ask what she meant, but she carried on talking. "I mean, I just have to take one look at you whenever Suze is nearby to know that."

Now I was confused. "What?"

She gave me a sad look. "You've been pining over for so long. I wouldn't be surprised if the whole school knows."

I do not pine! As for liking Suze… everybody knew? Impossible! Suze didn't even know herself!

I shook my head. "Going after Suze was ridiculous," I told her, putting my plan into action. "I mean, I have to get a life. I can't let her take it over just because of her stupid boyfriend."

The strange thing was… that was all true. I wasn't going to pay any attention to it, of course. But when I thought about it, I knew this was how I should feel. It makes more sense than what I'm doing, but let's face it; I've tried giving up on Suze before. And I knew it wouldn't work any better if I tried it again. So I ignored it.

"So, you've… given up on her?" April looked disbelieving.

Pushing my thoughts away, I grinned at her. "Precisely."

"But – but you told me last night that that you love her!"

Oops. I tried to think of an excuse, But all that came to mind was, "Yeah, well… things change."

Convincing, I know.

"But- "

"So," I interrupted her. Let's get to the point, shall we? I just wanted to get this over with. And I had to start with this. After all I was doing this all for Suze, really. She can get as mad as she likes, but it won't change that. "Who're you going to the Winter Formal with?"

She stared at me, like, I don't know, a car was about to hit her or something. "Well…"

-

I put down my pen, fed up of doing homework. I needed to go out somewhere, just for a change of scene.

I picked up my phone and dialled April's number. We could go to the Coffee Clutch or something. I didn't really care where, but I'd decided I was going to get to work on the next part of my plan. Or at least get to work on deciding what the next art of my plan was going to be.

April said yes about going to the Winter Formal with me, of course. Now that she'd forgiven me for what happened last night, she had no reason not to. It meant, however, that I was going to have to be careful around Suze in the future. I had to make it look like I was over her, which, if what

April had said earlier about my feelings being obvious were true, would be a lot harder than I had originally thought.

On top of that, I had to make it look like I was actually interested in April. It would not look good if it seemed to April like I was just using her to get over Suze. I had to convince her to trust me. It had occurred to me earlier that to do this I might have to tell her what I did to Jesse. She already knew I was keeping it secret from her. How much could she possibly trust me if I didn't tell her?

I'd have to make sure she'd believe me first, though. The last thing I wanted to do was to scare her off by making her think I was crazy. I had to figure out a way to test how much she'd believe.

I had a lot to do. And who knows how long it could take? So why not start tonight?

-

Half an hour later I was sitting with April in the quietest corner of the Coffee Clutch that we could find. Perhaps we should have chosen somewhere else to go. Somewhere quieter. The place was packed with people from school. Adam and Cee Cee were sat a few tables away, talking and, in Adam's case, shooting dirty looks at me. I ignored him. Luckily Suze wasn't there, the less time I spent with her, he easier it would be to convince April that I was over her.

I turned to April. She had that look on her face again. Something was bothering her.

"What's up?" I asked.

April looked up from her cappuccino.

"Huh?"

"Something's worrying you," I said.

"Oh," April said, returning her gaze to her drink. "I was just thinking about something I saw on the news today."

I hadn't watched it, so I didn't have a clue what she meant.

"Care to elaborate?" I asked.

She sighed. "It's just…" she spoke quietly so nobody would overhear, "They arrested this other guy for Eva's murder today and…" she trailed off.

I had a pretty good idea what she was on about though. "And you feel bad cause it wasn't him?"

April nodded. "I hadn't actually thought about something like this happening."

This was perfect! If she carried on feeling bad about this then she'd confess in no time. But not without my help though, I still had to carry on with my ingenious plan.

"What are you going to do?" I asked the inevitable question.

She shrugged.

I could tell she wanted to change the subject.

"If you want to talk about it we could go somewhere less crowded."

She frowned. "I don't think so."

"You probably should talk about it to someone, you know. Just to get it off your chest."

She shook her head. "It's not that… It's just that Matt - you know, my brother - he wouldn't like it if he knew I'd told anyone."

"So just make sure he doesn't find out," I told her. I mean, it was obvious, wasn't it? What was so difficult to understand about that concept?

She didn't seem to get it, though, as she just shook her head again, "I don't think I should risk it."

Oh, please. What was he going to do? Kill his sister? I don't think so! I was going to ask something else, but I didn't know what. Besides, she had her mouth firmly clamped shut, so that was it. End of conversation.

It wasn't until I was giving her a ride home that she brought the subject up again. We were both sitting in silence then she just said, "Do you think Suze will stop trying to get me to turn Matt in?"

That was easy to answer. "Not a chance."

April groaned. "How does she even know about it? There were no witnesses. It's impossible for her to know about it!"

I kept quiet. Should I say anything? April had said that she didn't believe I'd lie about something about this. And this was my chance to tell the truth. Should I take it?

"And what if Matt finds out? He'll go mad. He'll think I told her."

I turned to look at her and saw the panic on her face. April loved her brother but I could tell, just by looking at her, that she was scared of him.

"Have you got any ideas?" she asked me. "All I know is that she's definitely hiding something, otherwise she'd just go straight to the police. God! How does she know?"

I took a deep breath, then said it, "Because Eva told her."

**A/N: Yay! Cliffhanger! And 'April's brother' finally has a name! Hurrah! We were going to call him Disco Stu… (Okay, not really, but we were in Science, being bored to Hell and trying not to get detention for talking all lesson) Elaine wanted to call him Matt though (Since I was listening to Muse – or was it Ultimate Disney…? Whatever. Anyway, Matt is the name of the singer so I took it as a sign) so Matt he is!**

**Time to reply to you lovely reviewers…**

**Nikki007: You're really confusing me you know. One minute you're all 'I love Paul' and the next you're like 'Argh! Die!' Make up your mind, woman! lol Thanks for reviewing.**

**Holli: thanks!**

**Lollilicious: Good grief. That is confusing to spell. Any luck with the competition yet? It's been like months hasn't it? Sorry about that. Thanks for the review. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Regrets:**

**Chapter Nine:**

April stared at me as if I'd lost my head or something. Perhaps I had, though not in the literal sense, of course. Maybe telling her wasn't the best idea. She looked at me as if she thought I was crazy.

"Paul," she said slowly, talking the way you would to a five year old. I glowered at her, but she didn't seem to notice. "Eva is _dead_."

I shot her an annoyed look. "I know." Really, I just wanted to shout, '_of course I know! Your brother murdered her!'_ but then April wouldn't trust me and it would be an all-round bad idea because my plan would fail, and I don't want that to happen.

She lowered her voice and leaned forwards, even though no one else was there. "We are talking about the one who's dead, aren't we?"

"Yes."

She suddenly seemed to lose her temper and leaned over, close to my face and screamed, "How could you, Paul? I thought you cared! But now you're lying to me, and I'd sooner not know than have you lying!"

Whoa! I nearly crashed into the car in front of me, swerving to the sidewalk and slamming my foot on the brake. I gave her a glare that I usually reserved to make somebody shut up, usually only used for De Silva, Suze and other ghosts. It worked.

Shame I couldn't kill De Silva for getting me into this mess. Not only is he already dead, but also he's probably in his next life right now. I hope he _enjoys_ the Suze-free zone and remembers that he's left her all for _me. _

She flung the door open and stormed out of the car in a huff. As she stepped out, I sighed, got out, locked the door, walked after her and grabbed her arm. "I wasn't lying to you."

"She's _dead_, Paul! Get it? Dead! It's bad enough without you saying that she's alive and people are still being punished for her murder!"

I let go of her and held up my hands defensively. "Did you _hear_ me say Eva was alive?" I spoke to her slowly, like she had done to me before. "I am perfectly aware that Eva is dead."

"Oh?" April's usually steady voice raised an octave. "She foresaw her death then, did she, and just sat back waiting for it to happen, after running off to tell Suze who killed her?" She paused, and then added, "How did they even know each other, anyway?"

"They didn't."

"Oh, so she went running to the nearest person screaming that my brother was going to kill them? Honestly Paul, you are so horrible! I thought you understood, I thought-" She broke off and sniffed. "Never mind." She started to walk away, and I grabbed her by the arm again and spun her around to face me. Her eyes widened and she looked terrified, as if I was the murderer who was planning to plunge a knife straight into her chest or something. Why would anyone want to kill April, anyway? It's not worth it and there's nothing to gain.

Returning to the matter at hand, I gave a large sigh. This had to be complicated, didn't it? Why couldn't she get it into her thick head? Suze talked to Eva after she was dead. It's not that hard a concept to understand is it? "Eva is dead. She knows how she died because she was the one murdered," she opened her mouth to speak and so I raised a hand to stop her interrupting. Her mouth closed abruptly. She wanted to listen to this. "She told Suze about it the other day."

"She was dead the other day."

Oh, for crying out loud! How simple did she want this? I lost my temper. "Look, April! It's like this: Suze sees dead people."

There was a silence that almost seemed deafening. It was lucky that nobody else was around. Well, I guess I could have worded it more delicately, but she just wasn't getting the picture. Geez, what did she want, anyway? A sign? A diagram?

April looked enraged again. Well, maybe quoting the movie wasn't such a good idea. "That isn't funny, Paul!"

"I know," I supplied dryly, "I'm not laughing."

She changed tactics. "And how do _you _know that Suze sees dead people? She told you? Oh, is that why you loved her all of a sudden? You knew she was so _unique_? Honestly, Paul, you're really-"

"Really what?" I enquired, an eyebrow raised. "And I liked Suze before I knew that she saw dead people. And as for how I know," I was slightly taller than her so bent down slowly, putting my face level with hers, and smirked, "I know because I see them too."

April took a step backwards, her voice wobbling as she spoke. "I – You're lying."

I smiled at her. "Oh, but I'm not." I grabbed her arm again and dragged her onwards, otherwise we'd end up being stuck there all night. "You want to know what happened to Jesse? I'll tell you."

"Don't lie to me about it, Paul," she said softly.

"Oh, I won't, but whether or not you choose to believe the truth doesn't lie with me," I told her, and she gave a slight nod, looking as if she'd sooner be Eva than having this conversation with me right now.

"Jesse is – was – a ghost." I told her. April stared at me.

"Suze loved a ghost?" she asked, incredulously. "I don't think that would ever happen, Paul."

I scowled, and ignored her. "To make a long story short, I exorcised him."

She laughed nervously. "Funny joke. You can drop it now."

I looked at her levelly and said, "you told me that you never thought I'd lie concerning why Suze hates me. Are you really going back on that?"

She stared at me. At first I thought she didn't believe me, but then she stopped, pulling me to a halt, too. "No," she said miserably, then came the explosion. "Wait a minute… She loved him and you _exorcised him_?"

"Yes," I said, as if I did it every day. Which is true enough, I guess. It's not _my _fault when Suze's charity cases decide to come to me instead of her, is it? "Besides, it was for her own good."

"Yeah, I'm sure it was," sniffed April. "Listen, forget about the ride home. I'll walk from here."

"What? Why?" Come on April; don't turn against me now.

"I just really need to go and think, that's all… Bye."

I watched as she walked off. This whole thing about De Silva better not make her stop going to the Winter Formal with me. I it did my plan would be ruined. I did not need that to happen. Suze and De Silva are – or were - always wrecking my plans. I can't hate Suze for it, though – besides, I'm willing to bet on the cause of it being de Silva's 'angelic' influence.

_Angel my arse._

I sighed, and walked back to my car. I decided that I had better go home and formulate some plans about the best way to torture ghosts that had already moved on.

A/N: How quick was that? You can thank Chloe for this quick update. She got dead keen and wrote the whole thing. I just edited it. Anyway, thanks for the reviews. Here are the replies:

**SwEeT-sHoRtEy: You know – a cliffy. I don't really know how to describe it. I'm missing Eastenders for Pete's sake! I can't be expected to explain what a cliff hanger is now! **

**Nikki007: Will Paul get Suze? I guess you're going to have to wait and find out. **

**Lollilicious: I think we did mention it briefly. I'll try and add a proper description next chapter. I was trying to draw a picture of her today but it turned out weird. She looked like an evil thirty-year-old rather than a nice seventeen-year-old. Whatever. I'll shut up now. Eastenders will be over by the time I've finished this.**


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN:**

**A/N: Chloe - Well, Elaine's had to go off her comp so here I am doing the A/N! Sorry about the long wait, a lot of coursework to do, we've been writing AOKP and CeeCee Clone Girls: A Goth Song (both totally worth a read), and we've both been writing individual fics, too - you should all totally check out some of Elaine's individual fics, they're great, and if you feel like reading mine... feel free! **

**Now that all the shameless advertising is done... please, review. Oh, any other potential flamers, please be constructive. Nothing funnier than people bashing your work and saying it's a pile of dirt without giving suggestions how to improve it - so yeah, constructive criticism is welcome, flames will be laughed at as they're never constructive - that's my motto:D**

When I got to school the next day I was surprised to find that I wasn't going to have to add another person to the 'Let's Edge Away From Paul' list. April smiled at me during homeroom – a great way of letting me know that everything was okay between us. Lucky, really - I was skillfully ignoring Suze at the time and it must have paid off.

I wondered if she'd notice my lack of interest in her – I hoped she had. Would she care, though? Would she be pleased? Would she come up to me, saying 'Paul, Paul, I miss you! I need you! Make love to me, oh sweet Paul!'… What, a guy can dream, can't he?

I wondered if I should just turn around and check… It couldn't hurt, could it?

That was when April smiled at me, though, immediately eliminating all ideas of stalking Suze after class. Uh, checking, I mean. Yeah, checking… Not stalking. Because I care, you know?

…Yeah.

When class finished, I caught up with April. We still had some things to clear up.

"So, um, I'm guessing you're okay with what happened last night?" I asked, falling into step with her.

April looked up at me, biting her lip. She pushed one of her almost black curls behind her ear. "I'm not saying I approve of what you did," she said slowly and carefully, "but I guess I know from experience that no one's perfect." She smiled at me. "And I guess that despite your faults, Paul, I like you. And that's what counts. I'm not going to fall out with you over this."

I noticed that she'd avoided the 'I talk to the dead' thing. I didn't blame her, though. I guess it was a lot to take in, especially without any proof. I'd just sat there going, 'believe this' and she had. Whether or not it meant she just trusted me or was a gullible fool, I wasn't sure. But anyway, the point was she was taking it a lot better than my brother's doctors.

"I'm glad," I told her, with a smile.

"Can you just… try not to do anything like that again?" she asked. The look on her face as she said this told me it was important to her. But I knew I couldn't promise anything. And, well, it's not like I haven't already lied to April. I suppose it wouldn't hurt if I did it again.

"Sure," I said.

She smiled happily. "Thank you, Paul."

It was at dinner that day that Kelly made her next move.

I was just about to go and sit down when she came up to me, wearing a bright smile that symbolized one thing: pure evil.

"Hey," she said cheerfully.

Oh God, I wondered, what now?

"What?" I asked in a manner that I hoped made it obvious that I wasn't a bit interested in whatever she had to say.

She didn't take the hint, but then, does she ever?

"So," she said, "Is it true that April's your date for the Winter Formal?"

I rolled my eyes. Kelly just kept smiling in a way that seemed to get more sickening with every second I looked at her.

"Yes," I said tiredly.

"Wow," Kelly said, her smile – thankfully – faltering. "What an… interesting choice."

I had no idea what she was talking about. I mean, April wasn't hugely popular, but it wasn't like she was hideously ugly or anything. She was quite pretty, actually. And she wasn't 'crazy' like I was. So where was the problem?

Apart from me not really liking her, I mean.

I arched an eyebrow, urging Kelly to elaborate.

She sighed. "Look here, Paul, we all know you and April only started going out because neither of you had any friends. Things are different now," She paused to give me an encouraging smile. "Come sit with me."

She thought I was _that _desperate? I mean, Kelly totally wanted me: I just so happened to loathe her. I could have got anyone else had I needed to, but I didn't want to. The _only _person I _really _wanted was Suze and April was second choice. Her not thinking I was crazy had very little to do with it.

I guess Kelly can't accept stuff like that, though - God, she was unbelievable.

"I don't think so," was my immediate answer.

I started to walk away but she grabbed my arm, telling me to wait.

"_What?_" I said, more irritably this time.

"I've heard things about April," Kelly said, not even bothering to keep her voice down.

I looked over to where April was sitting, waiting for me, she didn't seem to have heard. I noticed that someone had, though.

Suze.

Somehow I managed to get my eyes to flick straight past her and fixate on Kelly. "What things?" I said quickly, annoyed at Kelly but pleased with myself for not, you know, staring at Suze or anything.

"That her brother's some kind of psycho," she said. "He got arrested for murder-"

"And found 'not guilty'," I interrupted sharply.

What? I could hardly say otherwise, could I? If April ever found out I'd told anyone I'd never get back in her good books.

"Only because _she_ said he didn't do it. You don't actually believe her, do you? Her brother used to come to this school and I always knew there was something wrong with him… they're both _freaks_," Kelly said, sounding faintly disgusted.

Hey wait; didn't she think _I _was a freak until a few minutes ago? She obviously couldn't go about saying she was the best judge of character, but I had a sneaking position everyone would believe her because she was _Kelly Prescott. _The thought in itself was sickening but true.

I responded in a way I thought was quite well improvised - I glared at her. "Listen Kelly," I hissed - unlike her, I _didn't_ want the whole school knowing what I thought. "I'm not going to pretend I don't know what you're up to any more, because I do. This is just some plan you've cooked up to get me to dump April and ask you to the Winter Formal instead - don't even bother denying it. But if you think it's going work then you've never been more wrong. Understand? Believe it or not, you _aren't_ doing me a huge favour by suddenly remembering I exist, so just go back to leaving me alone, okay?"

Kelly nodded, looking close to tears thanks to my aggressive tone.

"Now just get out of my sight, okay Kelly," I said, but it was more of an order than a question. She didn't waste any time before scurrying off in the direction of the girls' bathroom.

Looking around, I saw that we'd somehow managed to get the attention of the whole schoolyard. Although I'd tried not to make a scene, I guess that with this being the second time I'd told the most popular girl in school what I really thought of her, it must be hard for the entire school to mind their own business. I just ignored them all and walked over to the table April was sitting at. They soon went back to their own conversations.

"What was that?" April asked me.

"Nothing," I said. "It doesn't matter."

That's what I told her, but I was surprised to find that I was actually really annoyed by what Kelly had said. I supposed it was just because it had been Kelly who said it. In case you couldn't tell and I haven't already mentioned it, I don't really like her. Okay, so I don't like her at all: big difference.

"It's important enough for practically the whole school to be interested in it," April retorted.

"Well, obviously they're all going to be interested if their Princess Kelly is rejected," I replied. April raised an eyebrow and I sighed and went on, "She asked me to sit with her, I said no and she… well…"

"Brought my brother into it…" April finished. "I see."

How did she know that? Was she listening, too? Whatever, I guess how she knew was pretty irrelevant. We both went quiet for a minute. I watched as April picked at her food.

"Thanks for sticking up for me," she said eventually, her voice quiet. "Even if… well, you know… I just know I can count on you."

I ignored the twinge of guilt I felt at those words and smiled at her. "No problem," I said.

April returned the smile.

"Um, Paul?" said a familiar voice from behind me, a voice I hardly dared believe was actually talking to me.

I turned round. "Uh, hi Suze," I said, trying to look and sound like her freely speaking to me wasn't a big deal. April was there, after all.

"We need to talk," was all Suze said.

"Um, okay." I turned to April, who wasn't looking at all pleased about this. I guess Suze wasn't one of her favorite people at the moment. "I'll be back in a minute."

April didn't reply; she just glared at Suze, so, without saying anything more, I followed her to an empty classroom.

"What's the problem?" I asked, shutting the classroom door behind us. I walked over to a desk and sat down on it.

Suze made sure she wasn't sitting too close to me. "You're up to something," She announced.

I smirked, so she _had _noticed. "Care to explain this theory?"

"It's obvious," she said, glaring at me, "One day you're constantly bugging me and the next you're ignoring me completely. Forgive me for thinking that's a little odd."

"Ah," I said, smiling softly at her, "you miss me."

"Are you kidding?" Suze asked incredulously. "I'm loving it!"

I stopped smiling and glowered at her.

That really hurt. God, I hated it when Suze said stuff like that. Because I could always tell she meant it.

"I just can't help finding it all very suspicious," she went on. "Especially after what you said to me the other day."

I guessed that she meant what I said about showing her that I care. She probably thought that ignoring her wasn't the best way to go about it. No matter how much she was _enjoying_ it.

"And _what_ exactly is going on with April? I mean you're _going_ _out_ with her now?"

I smirked at her, "oh, you're not jealous by any chance, are you?"

"Of course not." Suze rolled her eyes.

The smirk vanished. "That's what I thought," I muttered, more to myself than anyone else. "Okay," I said in a louder voice, forcing a smile, even though it was the last thing I felt like doing right then. "You're right. This is all part of my plan."

Suze's eyes narrowed. "What plan?"

"To help you. See, I couldn't help noticing that you're not getting very far with making April confess about her brother. So what I thought was that it might be easier for _me_ to get it out of her."

"How is that?" Suze asked skeptically.

"I've already gained her trust and, well… she hates you."

"But you _never_ help ghosts," Suze pointed out.

"Think of it as me helping _you_, not the ghost," I said, putting it in more believable terms and terms that I preferred to think of: I wasn't helping the ghost at all, I was helping Suze so then she'd like me. Technically, the ghost and me wouldn't even talk. Bingo. I wouldn't help her.

Even if I didn't believe that explanation, it sure sounded better.

"Right," Suze said, rolling her eyes. "So where does the asking her to the Winter Formal come into this?"

I smirked. "Just giving her what she wants. You could really learn from me, you know."

Suze glared at me some more. "I already tried that, Paul," she said stonily, "and look where it got me." I didn't say anything, I hadn't meant for that to come up. Suze went on, though, "And I suppose that's where the ignoring me comes in?"

"I told her I was over you – a lie, of course. Do you know how hard it's been to not look at you for two days? Absolute torture," I said it casually, but that's not how I felt. Even with Suze's coldness towards me, I was in heaven right then. After all, I was actually having a civil conversation with her, well… sort of. And that's much more than I can say for the past week.

Suze didn't reply.

"So," I said, "what do you think?"

"I hate it," Suze said, "but I guess it could work."

I grinned. "Great," I said, then stood up. "I look forward to working with you, Miss Simon."

"Whatever," Suze said, getting up. She headed towards the door then turned back to me. "And Paul," she said, "don't think that because you're doing me a favour I'm going to fall madly in love with you. This doesn't change anything between us."

Then she turned round and walked off before I could say anything more. I followed her out feeling happier than I had done in a while.

**A/N: Review Replies (as written by Elaine):**

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	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11:**

The idea had been to get this over and done with as quickly as possible. By standing up for April, I was positive that I had her trust – and that meant I should be able to start planting doubts in her head about whether she was doing the right thing by keeping quiet about her brother. She already felt guilty about that other guy being arrested. It wouldn't be long before she confessed.

However, to do this I actually needed to be around April – and I'm sure you can imagine my irritation when I got to school on Friday and found that April hadn't come in. She was supposed to be sick or something. Yeah, well last time I checked, she was fine. And now this…

After a while, I realized there was no use in getting angry about it. I could go and see her after school or over the weekend instead. And, of course, I realized that April's absence provided me with many advantages. Specifically, I could act as I normally would around Suze. No one would care that I still liked her – and they wouldn't bother telling April.

So first chance I got - as we were walking through the breezeway on the way to our next lesson – I pulled Suze aside and into an empty classroom.

"Paul," Suze said, clearly irritated. "What do you want?" She glared at me pointedly. "You're making me late for my next class, you know."

I smiled and took a seat on the teacher's desk, for some reason amused at her outburst.

"Relax," I said, "We won't be too long."

She glared at me. "This had better be important," she grumbled, leaning against the wall behind her.

I kept smiling at her. "You look gorgeous today, Suze." I stated.

She squirmed nervously, but covered it up by asking impatiently, "What do you want, Paul?"

Don't feel like chatting, eh, Suze? Too bad. I do. Still, I guess we can leave the idle chatter for another time.

I sighed and stood up. "I just thought I should inform you that when April comes back, you shouldn't stop trying to get her to confess because of what I'm doing. April might get suspicious if you do." I walked towards her. "And we need to act like nothing's changed."

Suze kept on glaring at me. "Right, whatever. Is that all or does _his majesty _have any more orders I need to carry out?"

I smirked and put one hand on the wall Suze was leaning against, just next to her head, smiling in amusement. "Really, Suze. I'm done with that. However, we _do_ have other business to attend to."

Suze swallowed. She was uncomfortable, but I wasn't going to let her move. I lifted my other hand to her face and lightly ran a finger down the side of it. Smiling again, I leaned in just a little closer.

She seemed to stop breathing for a second. Her voice was almost inaudible as she said, "Paul… don't do this." She sounded terrified.

I moved my finger to her lips. God, did I ever want to kiss those lips right then. But I stopped myself.

Just.

"I wasn't lying yesterday when I said that I missed talking to you – hell, just _being _with you. So I'm just… savoring the moment."

Suze scowled at me, knocking my hand away from her face.

"Savor _this, _Paul. I HATE YOU! Get out of my face!" Quick as a flash, she punched me in the stomach and I bent over, winded, gasping for breath. "I don't know why you think you have the right to do this to me and I certainly don't know what it is you _think _you feel about me, but I will NEVER feel the same way!" She continued stonily, "I _hate _you – and I'll _never _forgive you for what you've done to me _or _to Jesse."

My face twisted in anger – she thought what I felt was _fake_? I had never felt anything more real. She didn't have a clue what she was talking about. I straightened myself up and sneered at her, half-expecting her to storm from the room, but she didn't. She was still standing by the wall, her fist still clenched from punching me, just giving me a look of pure loathing.

I stared back at her, unsmiling, my face a mask devoid of emotion.

"Some things are meant to be, Suze – and we're one of them. You'll see that… eventually."

Unsurprisingly, she wasn't convinced.

"Don't get your hopes up," was her only response, before turning and walking out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

She never looked back.

And as I watched her, I felt as if all the hope I had that this would work was just fading away. I went back to sit on the teacher's desk and slumped my head in my hands. God, this was killing me.

* * *

As it turned out, I didn't need to go looking for April – she came to me. I was at home reading a book when the doorbell rang, and when I answered it, there she was. She looked bad – actually, that was an understatement. She looked _awful_. Her usually glossy curls were dull and limp and her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Underneath her eye was a deep cut and that side of her face looked bruised.

I couldn't figure out what was going on.

"April," I asked, "Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry I came around without calling first," she muttered, seeming to not hear me, "I haven't interrupted anything have I?"

I shook my head.

"I just… don't have anywhere else to go."

I nodded slightly, waiting for her to elaborate, but waving her inside. She complied, coming to the living room and sitting on the sofa, trembling nervously.

"I just needed to get out of the house," she continued, "Today was Hell."

I believed her. She looked like she hadn't slept at all last night. She looked on the verge of crying again. I was confused – what was causing April, a girl who always seems to live and enjoy life to the full, to break down completely like this?

"Do you want to talk about it?"

April looked at me, and I saw how grateful she was that I was there for her and a person she could talk to. It was like she thought she could count on me. Almost as if she completely depended on me. And as I registered this, I was disgusted to find that I just wanted to get the Hell out of there, to run miles in the opposite direction, because I was starting to feel something horribly similar to guilt – and I already had enough to last me a lifetime.

I was broken from my thoughts by April letting out a small sob. "Yes. But… it's just… it's hard… I've never had anybody to talk to about… things… before." I felt a pang of sadness for April hit my chest, and I stared at the floor uncomfortably. After all, if your last resort is a fake one, what have you got left?

I forced the stray emotions away. I couldn't feel like this now – it would ruin everything. And as if I, Paul Slater, could ever run away from something I promised myself – and Suze – that I would do. And for what? Just because April wouldn't like it? If there were an easier option than to do this to April, then I'd take it.

But for now I had to go through with this – for Suze's sake.

I placed a comforting hand on April's shoulder.

"Well, Matt didn't come home last night. I was kind of worried, because last time he pulled an all-nighter it was when… you know… _it _happened."

April paused and lowered her head in her hands in despair.

She obviously loved her brother – but she hated what he'd done so much that she just couldn't stand it. She was stuck between remaining loyal to her brother or doing what she thought was the right thing. This was tearing her apart.

She continued. "And then this morning… he turned up just as I was going to school. And he was really, _really _drunk. Mum went off to work – she isn't coping well, you know. She's asking like it never happened – like she never had a son in the first place. And dad works in another state, so we don't see him much; I don't think he even knows what's going on… Anyway, when she left…" April paused and wiped her nose on her sleeve, unwilling to finish the story.

"What happened?" I prompted her, sitting up and staring at her. "This is important…"

"I was trying to help him, and he totally lashed out at me." I looked at the cut on her face suspiciously, and she got what I meant, and nodded. "Yeah. He did that."

"Why do you put up with him?" I asked, revolted.

"He's my brother! And… he never meant to do it. He told me he was sorry…" she said quietly.

"And that makes it alright?"

"He's my brother, Paul. Does that mean anything to you? Does one incident change how many years he's been kind to me. He never _meant _to do it," she said stubbornly.

"You should turn him in. Right now." I flicked my cell phone out of my pocket and held it out to her. "Phone the police."

Her voice rose. "What makes you think that you can just tell me to turn him in and I'll do it? You don't even _care_, do you, Paul? Just like you don't even care about your own brother. You just can't comprehend what it's like to care about someone enough to do something like this for them."

God, April had no idea how wrong she was.

"Why do you think I'm even doing all of this? Just for kicks? God, April, I care about you," I snapped back. The worst thing was that at that moment I actually meant it. Things were not going according to plan.

She stared up at me like those words really meant something to her. Her eyes were shining now, when they'd been so dull before. And then, like she just couldn't stop herself or something, she walked to me and pressed her lips to mine. A fiendish desire rose within me and I found myself kissing back. And the worst thing was, I enjoyed it.

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**A/N: Elaine - Yay! We updated, amazing isn't it? Sorry it took so long. The next chapter should be up quicker, since I've already written like half of it. So go me!**

**Thanks for the reviews, we love you all! **


	12. Chapter 12

**In case any old readers haven't noticed already, we rewrote the first chapter of this. Nothing important has been changed but it's a lot more interesting now, we think, so you might want to check it out before you read this chapter.**

**Chapter 12**

April was kissing me frantically and I was kissing her back in the same desperate way; it was like this was something we both really needed. Really, that couldn't have been further from the truth, because the last thing I needed right now was to make things more complicated for myself. And that seemed to be exactly what I was doing by kissing April.

But I just couldn't help myself. I wanted this. I enjoyed the way she was dragging her hands through my hair, and how she was making these breathy noises as I nibbled on her bottom lip. It was like we were a normal couple and there were no scheming or plots involved. We just wanted to be together and that was it.

But then we pulled away from each other for air and I looked down at April, with her wild dark curls and her bruised lips, and I couldn't help thinking that this wasn't the face that I wanted to be looking down at.

I stepped back and April gave me a confused look. "Paul… what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied. "It's just… it's getting late, you know, your mum will probably be wondering where you are."

She seemed confused at first, but then a sad look took over her face. "Yeah," she gave me a fake smile. "Yeah, I suppose she is."

Then she turned and walked out of the house.

I have no idea why I did that. I mean, it seemed like a good idea before - since things weren't going so well with Suze, why not have a little fun? You know, try to cheer myself up a bit?

It didn't work, of course. Because how was kissing April supposed to make things better for me? It's not like it was going to make Suze like me or anything. This whole plan probably wasn't going to get her to like me, so what good was kissing April going to do?

And now April probably hated me. I saw the look in her eyes just then. She knew. She knew exactly what I'd been thinking. God, I'd messed things up so badly.

And on top of that, I can't help remembering how I told April that I cared about her. Because that _had_ been the truth. It hadn't been part of some grand scheme to get her to trust me. It had just slipped out, completely unexpected and it was exactly how I felt.

I never really considered the fact that maybe part of me doesn't want April to end up getting hurt. And maybe I really shouldn't have led her on like that…

God, this was so STUPID!

I love Suze! Why else would I have stopped kissing April? So what was going on?

I figured that I'd just have to ignore this. I promised Suze that I would show her how sorry I was. And that was what I was going to do. This was all for her! What did April matter?

I wasn't going to think about April, or the kiss, or anything that happened before that. I was just going to focus on Suze and completing what I set out to do. Okay, so maybe I liked April, but sometimes you've got to make sacrifices to get what you want.

* * *

When Suze stepped into the room we'd agreed to meet in at Monday lunchtime I'd never felt as relieved as I did then. She'd sent me the note saying that there was something she wanted to talk to me about at the end of homeroom. April and I had been acting really weird around each other so far. We'd been kind of distant with each other, neither of us wanting to talk about Friday night.

So being alone with Suze meant I could relax. Because despite how much Suze hated me, I didn't have anything to hide from her. And with everything going on in my head at the moment, this was exactly what I needed.

Suze didn't seem to feel the same way, though. From the moment she stepped through the door I could tell she was uncomfortable about something. But then, I'd have been more surprised if she'd ran up to me and hugged me or something. Then I'd know there was something wrong.

"Hey," I said, giving her a small smile that, surprise surprise, she didn't return. She didn't say anything either. I figured that she was just doing it to make me feel even more unwanted than I already did.

"Um… is this about April?" I asked, since I doubted Suze would have asked me to come here if she only wanted to glare at me, she could easily do that anywhere. "Because I spoke to her on Friday. She refused to confess, but I figure it'll only be a few days before she cracks."

Suze looked up at me then. "How can you talk like that?" she snapped, disgusted. "Like all of this isn't a big deal?"

Because it wasn't. At least, I didn't want it to be. I mean, Suze couldn't have it both ways. I wasn't going to do this to April _and_ feel sorry for her because of it. It just couldn't work that way. So I just shrugged. "What do you want me to do? Cry because some guy is going to jail for murder?"

The situation didn't sound as bad put like that. It sounded more like I was doing the right thing. And since Suze couldn't exactly complain about that she asked, "Don't you care about April at all?"

"I…" How was I supposed to answer that? Say no, which to Suze would sound like I was totally heartless? Or say yes and let Suze think that this is the sort of thing I do to my friends? Either way it would have the same effect. "I'm just doing what I have to do, " I settled for saying. "I'm trying to keep a murderer off the streets aren't I? You should be proud of me."

Suze didn't look impressed. "That's not why you're doing it. I know you, Paul. You can take care of yourself and that's all that matters to you. For you it doesn't make a difference whether or not this guy gets locked up."

I didn't say anything because it was all true. There was only one reason why I'd decided to do this and we both knew what it was. As Suze pointed out to me right away.

"You seemed to have this crazy idea that somehow you doing this is going to make me like you."

Again I didn't say anything. Instead I let Suze go on. "But I have no idea how it was supposed to work. I mean, it hasn't done any good so far, has it?"

I smiled then. Suze hadn't realised that that wasn't exactly true. "I wouldn't say that," I said.

Suze's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"

My smile grew wider. "I know it sounds crazy, but I prefer having you yelling at me to having you ignoring me all the time. Is it so wrong that I actually enjoy your company?"

She glared up at me and said, "Well you'd better not get too used to it, because I won't do this to April any longer. It's got to stop."

That wiped the smile right off my face. "What?"

"I thought about this over the weekend and I've decided that this is wrong," she said. "Using April like this, it's sick."

I just stared at her. Was she kidding? So I was using the fact that April had this stupid crush on me to my advantage. So what? It's not like she'd never get over it.

"God, Paul!" She said, when she noticed I wasn't quite following. "Can't you see? April is falling in love with you! And you're using her to get her brother in jail!"

God, this was ridiculous.

"April is _not_ in love with me," I told her.

"Just think about it, Paul," Suze said, ignoring me, "just imagine how bad she'd be hurting if her brother went to jail. And then she'd find out that you were only using her. It'll break her heart, Paul. Please, don't do that to her."

"Well can you think of any better ways of doing this?" I snapped.

"Well… I will eventually. Besides, it's not fair to toy with people's emotions, Paul! Some people actually have a heart!"

I really didn't like the implication in that sentence that I didn't have one. So I wasn't really thinking when I snapped back, "What, and I don't? Who are you to judge that? It's not like you'd ever bother to find out!"

"You don't even care about her!"

"When did I say that?" I asked in the same annoyed tone. "When did I actually say the words 'I don't care about April'? Why is it so hard for you to believe that I am capable of feeling human emotions and therefore might want to prevent the only real friend I've got here from being her brother's next victim?"

That had been a slip up. I really hadn't meant to pour my heart out to her. I hadn't even realised that I felt that way until it had all come tumbling out of my mouth. I knew it was the truth though. I'd messed everything up so badly that there was no way things were going to go back to the way they were before, but that didn't change the fact that April was the only person who really cared about me, not my looks or my money, me. And that's what made us friends. I just wish I'd realised that sooner.

I couldn't believe I'd told Suze all this, though. It wasn't like me to say those kinds of things. I just hated it when Suze acted like I was some kind of monster, who wanted nothing but to make people miserable.

I looked up at her. She looked like she was actually considering what I'd said. Like she was thinking that maybe I wasn't so bad after all. Or perhaps that was too much to hope for.

"Look, just forget I said anything," I muttered.

She ignored me, and went back to looking at me like I was dirt or something. "How am I supposed to believe all that, Paul?" she asked, "After everything you've done you think that I'm going to believe-"

"You are freaking unbelievable, you know that?" I snapped and she shut up immediately. I was so fed up of hearing the same thing that I wasn't just going to stand there feeling guilty anymore. I stepped right up to her, because maybe if she were looking at me then she would actually believe what I was saying. "Tell me, Suze, if I'm so incapable of feeling then why am I here? Why did I ever move to Carmel when I could have stayed in Seattle and had any other girl that I wanted? Think about that, okay Suze?" I gave her a minute for that to sink in, and then I continued; "Now if you could just imagine for a minute that it's possible for me to care about someone other than myself, I want you to know that this isn't about you anymore. This is about April, and I'm going to get that brother of hers locked away whether you like it or not."

When I'd finished talking, Suze was frowning and I could tell just by looking at her that she believed me. "You really like her, don't you?" she asked and for some reason she sounded kind of weird when she said it. Like she was kind of annoyed by it.

"I'm glad that I'm finally getting through to you," I said, feeling slightly confused at her reaction.

Why was she annoyed that I liked April? I thought that, if anything, she'd be pleased. She was meant to be all 'Hurrah, he isn't all bad, after all!' The only explanation I could think of was that she was jealous.

But that was impossible right? Suze hated me. And I was pretty sure that I'd have noticed if that had changed.

"I still think this is a bad idea though," she said, interrupting my thoughts.

"Lay off, Suze," I told her. I didn't want to discuss this any more. But even as I said it, I knew that she wasn't going to.

"No, Paul, we need to sort this out. There has to be a better way. What you're doing is _wrong_-"

"Spare me," I retorted, "the lecture."

"No! You're not listening to-"

"If you think of something better, let me know, but until then, I'm doing things my way, okay?"

Then I strode out of the room without looking back.

God, thing had just gotten about ten times more complicated within the space of two seconds. Was Suze really jealous of April? There was only one way I could find out for sure. And to do that, I'd have to start by apologising to April for my behaviour last night.

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**A/N: We're sooooooo sorry that this chapter took so long; it was a nightmare to write. Thanks for the reviews. We really appreciate them.**


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